


Post Meridian

by Fides



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode Related, M/M, Meridian Fixit, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-08
Updated: 2002-08-08
Packaged: 2017-10-02 22:59:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fides/pseuds/Fides
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My take on the aftermath of Meridian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Post Meridian

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Meridian, Revelations, Menace, Maternal Instinct, Ascension and probably a whole bunch of others.

He made me wait. Hoo Boy! Did he make me wait. I was so sure he'd be back, but after the first few days... The Daniel shape fixture in my life just seems to become more and more empty. I always thought that if something happened to one of us it would probably happen to all of us. Cheerful thought to take to work with you, isn't it? I could live with Daniel putting himself in danger because I thought that if anything happened to him it would be over my dead body. I should have remembered how much he liked proving me wrong.

I've had to keep away from the others - all they could focus on was that Daniel was gone and I didn't need any help remembering that. I wonder if Daniel ever actually realised how respected and... well... loved he was? The entire mountain seems to have gone into shock. His 'home away from home' family, known to the rest of us as those scary harridans... uh... self-sacrificing angels... in the infirmary, have been wandering around damp-eyed and dazed. I even caught Janet crying - twice! And the General is having 'Nam flashbacks. Carter is having the worst time, I think. The scientist in her won't let her believe what she saw until she has run some test or other on it. She can't quite let herself believe that Daniel is alive and gone but doesn't want to believe he is dead. Teal'c, at least, was being his normal stoic self but anybody who knows him can see he's hurting.

As bad as it sounds I think they would actually prefer it if he had died. Then they would know how they were supposed to behave - could mourn and move on. But he didn't die. No body to bury, no funeral to give them some closure, no chance to say good-bye. He just left - willingly. But they don't know that, and I'm not going to tell them. Wouldn't help them any. In some ways that hurt more than his absence - that he chose to go. He had the choice to fight but we weren't enough to keep him here. When I think of it like that part of me wanted to yell at him. The other half worried that if we weren't enough keep him then maybe we're not enough to make him come back either. So I tried not to think like that. He hadn't left us. He'd just gone on a short vacation. Nothing unusual there. Needed a bit of downtime (or should that be up-time?) so he's gone to do a bit of fishing or whatever it is floaty, glow-y geeks do for kicks. Before we knew it he would be back and everything would be back to normal (except that we wouldn't need to worry about his torch batteries running out). Except that we already knew it... felt his absence like a wound. We were slowly bleeding to death and unable to do anything about it.

We... damn it... I needed to be doing something, anything. Needed a distraction, something to stop us dwelling on what had happened, or hadn't happened. Something to stop us slipping into the madness of 'if I?' and 'what if?'. I know that all too well. It's those quiet moments that you can almost hear them... in the long dark of the night when the loss hits you... when you turn around and expect to see them there... So much easier when all hell has broken loose and you are too busy trying to stay alive to even wonder if the next second is going to be your last. Or maybe it's just better to go down fighting an enemy you can see than lose to your own demons. And then there was always a chance that a last stand against impossible odds would make him show up. Some hope.

* * *

We survived. Thor's in a coma. I kinda missed the little guy. You just never knew when he was going to show up. And he made me think of Daniel somehow. It was just the way he looked at you with those biiiig eyes and you just couldn't say no. I am losing it. It had to happen but I am really losing it. First Daniel, now Thor... It sucks. Debriefing over, I asked what was left of my team out for drinks. I think they thought it was a re-affirmation, bonding thing. Maybe it was, in a way, but it was also sure as hell better than another night alone. I don't drink alone anymore and I hoped that enough 'team spirit' would ensure me a night without dreams.

Of course that was when Daniel decided to put in an appearance. I couldn't believe I thought Daniel was a light weight. Apparently all they live on in Academia is coffee and alcohol (separate or in combination). And a year drinking Skaara's moonshine certainly didn't lower his tolerance any. You could tell that stuff was made from cactus - it ripped your throat out on the way down. He never did like being left out so I don't know why it surprised me that I asked everybody out for drinks and he turned up - I should have known, then I could have tried it sooner. It was so obvious when I thought about it, I could not believe the others didn't realise. Maybe they'd have believed if we'd just brewed some coffee. O. K. He didn't actually appear but I knew he was there. So I couldn't see him and the others thought he was a breeze but it didn't matter - I knew. He was back! That was all I needed to know. All the doubt and worry from the last few days vanished in an instant. The whole 'heavy weight lifted from my heart' type thing. I wanted to tap dance down the corridor but George was already giving me weird looks and I'd rather not give him an excuse to send me back to Doc McKenzie for another evaluation. Especially not then. I couldn't stop myself smiling though. He was back!

Of course after spending so long desperately hoping to see Daniel again when the chance finally arrived I was desperate to put it off. I knew one thing the others didn't - that Daniel was going to come back at least once. We had unfinished business and the man who has faced down System Lords is not going to quietly shuffle off-stage while it was unresolved. Although given the choice between a serious, and this was going to be serious, discussion and an almost certain death, last ditch fight against the odds with whichever System Lord had it in for us that week then I'd've take the snakehead any time and I suspected Daniel would have done the same. I certainly don't think he minded that I drew out the drinks until the owner of the bar was threatening to forcibly evict us. I think he was enjoying being there with us, even if I was the only one who realised he had come along for the party. Kept stealing my drink as well. I got him one of his own but now they are all worried I'm developing an alcohol problem. I guess the 'one for me and one for my invisible friend' was a bit clichéd - but it was true! He did make himself scarce when a rather drunk Carter started talking about him. I don't know if it was good manors or embarrassment. Knowing Daniel, probably both. At least I think he did. My drink stopped disappearing and I felt him ruffle my hair as he left and returned. Or that could have been the breeze from the window.

There was no sign of him in the taxi on the way home and I was beginning to worry again. My front door shut with the finality of a cell being locked, but I couldn't tell if I had accidentally shoved it harder than normal or if it was something else. Like paranoia or senility setting in. I looked around my living room cautiously. If Daniel didn't put in an appearance soon I would be booking an appointment with Doc McKenzie myself.

"Daniel?"

I said it quietly, half sure I was talking to myself.

"Jack?"

I jumped as I heard his voice behind me. He came out of the kitchen holding a beer in either hand. It was him. Well - mostly him. Maybe this is what that future Cassie meant when she said she wasn't used to seeing him with hair? He faded around the edges, shimmering. The face was the same and the eyes, oh God his eyes, they shone even before he... he... y'know. He hadn't got his glasses and he might have been slightly, OK - very, glow-y around the edges but he was back to having the right number of limbs, which had, quite frankly, worried me. I'm shallow, so sue me, but if he didn't look like Daniel he just wouldn't have been my Daniel. My Daniel? I guess that was what remained to be seen, which was rather the point. He looked at me.

"I'm ba-ack"

That line didn't work for me when I used it either. I think Daniel caught that from my expression and solidified a bit more around the edges.

"Where have you been?"

That came out slightly more accusatory than I had intended. But I had been going through hell for the last week. And I've been there so I know whereof I speak. Daniel seemed to take my grumpiness in the same way he took everything else I said that he didn't agree with - he ignored it.

"Here and there. I went to see Nick"

I guessed that was fair enough. I knew Hammond had sent him official notification of Daniel's new status - Missing In Action. Meaningless phrase, but the air force didn't have a code for ascended. I did look. Closest they had was dead and we just weren't going there.

"How is he?"

Daniel sighed.

"I have no idea"

"But you talked to him?"

"Oh yes I talked. I'm just not sure he listened. You know Nick"

Not the time to point out the family similarities. I just nod.

"He didn't wonder why you were...?"

I waved a hand at him and he looked down at himself confused for a moment

"Ah! That" Yes - That! Jeez! "I'm not sure he noticed"

"You're not sure he noticed?!?"

Daniel made a dismissive little gesture nearly spilling the beer that had apparently forgotten he was holding. I reached out to take them from him. My hand passed through both Daniel's and the bottle.

"Uh? Daniel?"

Daniel did that blink-y thing for a moment and then held the beer out.

"Here."

He said it with such belief that I only hesitated for a moment before reaching out again. That time I felt the cool, wet glass of the bottle and the warmth of his hand. I raised a Teal'c-style eyebrow at him. I forgot how sweet he looked when he blushed. No, that's not strictly true - I remembered how sweet he looked but the memories didn't stand up to the reality.

"I haven't quite got this interacting with things down yet. I actually have to think about it and sometimes I..."

"Get distracted?"

I always said Daniel would go off into his own little world. I never expected I would be this right. I think Daniel remembered my saying it too because he glared at me. I had begun to wonder if I would ever see that familiar expression again. Just the sight of it made me want to... well I already wanted to kiss him. I had missed him so much. Missed him glaring at me. Missed the way he seemed to read my mind sometimes. Even missed him yelling at me, his arms going in all directions as he emphasised his point, and the seemingly never ending lectures. Most of all I just missed him being there.

"Why did you go?"

I tried not to sound as pathetic as I felt. He paused for a long moment before answering.

"There was nothing to stop me."

"And now?"

I was going to lose him. He had just come back to say goodbye. Charlie, Kawalsky and now Danny. It was only the thought of how easy it would be to follow them into the darkness that kept my voice steady.

"I don't know. Is there something worth staying here for Jack?"

I tried but I couldn't keep all the bitterness out of my voice. I wondered if Daniel would come back to light my way into the next world.

"Only me and I guess that isn't enough."

Compared to the universe? We had already had that conversation. Two lives compared to millions? We waited because we couldn't live with the idea that hadn't done our best when there were people dying out there. Of course by we, what I really meant was...

"Jack..." _Too goddamn noble and self-sacrificing for his own good, and mine. Dragging me along with him. You were what made this miserable planet worth saving and now... I'm sorry Daniel, I'm not like you - I can't care about all those people who I don't know._ "You are worth staying for" there was a fierceness in his eyes that I was not about to argue with but it shocked me out of my self-absorption "and don't you ever think otherwise." Then the fight seemed to drain out of him and I saw some of my own despair reflected back at me. "I couldn't have you before but things are different now." _He can say that again._ "I just wasn't sure... I didn't know if you still wanted me."

"Of course I want you." He jumped slightly at my vehemence.

"You never said. When I was dying..."

I thought about all the excuses I could make. How we had been so careful and how I didn't want to have gone through all that denial just to blow it at the end. How I didn't want to say it and somehow acknowledge it was the end and he was dying. How if I said the words I thought he would realise what I was planning to do and somehow convince me that I could bare another loss. In the end there were no excuses.

"I thought you knew I loved you - I wasn't sure you knew I respected you."

"You loved me?"

"Still do. Never stopped." That was easier to say than I had expected it to be. I began to worry again when he didn't reply immediately. "Daniel?"

"It was so hard, Jack. I loved you but... at times I didn't like you very much. At times I think I even hated you."

Didn't I know it. The look in his eyes as up stared up at me over the length of the body of that replicator girl had haunted me for weeks - still did. It was one of the few times I was glad we weren't together because there was no chance of forgiveness in his eyes.

"The thing with the robot?" I asked quietly.

I knew he hated it when I talked about it as an 'it', felt I was denying it's humanity. Of course I was - I had either shot a robot or a mentally-retarded child. I was going to keep denying her humanity until I believed it. I expected to die first.

"Reese? Partly." He was quiet for a moment remembering. "I guess it was the straw that broke the camel's back."

"I had to Daniel."

I don't know which of us I was trying to convince. Daniel didn't explode as I had expected, he just looked at me oddly.

"Jack did it ever strike you as odd that you took her down with one shot?"

I'm good - what can I say. Apparently not that. Daniel must have read my the thought as it crossed my face because I saw the disappointment in his eyes as he turned away fading slightly.

"Daniel?" I was panicking and I knew it. My hand went through him as I reached out for him. I had visions of him slipping away under my fingers and nothing I could do to stop him. Again. "I'm sorry, I... I never thought about it. I just kept thinking of you and..." I could feel my throat closing. I was a Colonel in the US Air Force I was not going to howl like a baby because the man I loved was about to leave me for the second time.

"I hated you. You shot her and I hated you and I hated what we did because it put us in that situation." His voice was almost inaudible, especially since he still had his back to me but each word found my heart like a snipers bullet. "Maybe it made what I did easier. I couldn't continue and at least I'd have done something useful with my life. I had nothing left to lose. I thought I had already lost you, I was planning on leaving anyway which meant I'd have lost Sam and Teal'c and Cassie..."

"God... Danny..."

He finally turned around and looked at me. To my surprise he was dry-eyed which meant one of us was.

"You didn't kill her Jack.. She shut herself down as well as her replicators."

"What?"

"The Asgard decided not to pass that information on. Your bullet hardly damaged anything."

I felt my knees giving out and sat down heavily. Luckily the sofa was behind me.

"Crap."

Daniel put his beer down and came across the room to me so fast I wondered if he actually crossed the intervening distance. They would never have told us. That was the real kicker. Danny would have gone on hating me, would have left. Part of me wanted to laugh. Considering all the shit I had done in my life it was almost ironic that I nearly lost Danny because of something I didn't do. I would have done it though. I wondered if Daniel realized that, if he'd leave now if I told him. I could feel his hand on my shoulder. So close... but not close enough.

"It doesn't matter Daniel." I looked up at him and he removed his hand. "It doesn't matter if I did or didn't. I tried to and I would do it again if I had to."

You know about sacrifice don't you Daniel. You decided that the earth, all the earths, were more important than our happiness. I wish I could have claimed that I was doing the same but, like me, it was a lot more selfish. I loved Daniel, more than anything. I'd have changed if I could but at my age... At some point I was going to cross that line again. I wouldn't want to, I wouldn't like it. But it would happen sometime: the choice between a person and the world, between pulling the trigger or not and I would do it and Daniel would leave me. He understood fighting when he had to. He didn't understand murder, neutralising a potential threat or whatever they called it these days. I could claim I was putting protecting the world before my happiness. Crap. If he was going to go I'd prefer he did it now rather than six month down the line. What sort of relationship could we have if I was always waiting for the moment when I would drive him away. I lived like that with Sara and I never want to do it again. We still had sex but that was all it was - sex not love. If all Daniel and I had wanted was sex then we could have been fucking like bunnies years before. I watched as he turned and walked back to his beer, wondering for a moment if he would just keep on going. It was only when he looked down as he reached for his beer that I realised where he had put it. At least he'd kill me before he left.

"You know I have a book just like..."

I was in sooo much trouble. I hoped he hadn't learnt how to do that trick with the lightning yet.

"Umm..."

His eyes narrowed.

"Jack? what are you doing with my book? Other than using it as a coaster."

"Hey that is your beer you just put down on it."

"The question still stands. What are you doing with my book of koans."

"Umm."

"Jack?"

"Daniel?"

"Answer. The. Question. Jack."

Shit. Plausible lie? With him looking at him like that? Not a hope.

"Umm well you got it after Kheb and... IjustthoughtifIunderstood..."

I had to breath giving Daniel the pause which I fully expected him to fill. Loudly and at length. When he didn't say anything forced myself to look at him. Holy Hannah as Carter would say. I had finally found what it took to make Dr Daniel Jackson, linguist extraordinaire, speechless. I'd heard rumours about the time when Thor beamed us off the Russian sub but I had never seen it until then. His mouth might have stalled but his eyes spoke volumes. I finally dared to ask.

"Will you stay?"

He knew what I was asking: 'Will you stay with me? Will you watch over me when I go to work? Will you forgive me when I do what has to be done? Will you be here when I come back at night?' There had been two perfect moments in my life, when terror and happiness had merged into some other emotion for which I had no name: when Sara excepted my proposal and when Charlie was born. I added a third to that list as Daniel slowly nodded his head.

"Jack - you have to know there is a limit to what I can do, especially at the moment"

He was staying. I could breath again. Which was probably a good thing considering the wave of dizziness that passed over me. Or maybe that was relief. It didn't take long for my natural sarcasm to push it's way back to the top. I hoped Daniel knew what he was letting himself in for.

"At the moment?"

"Umm... I'm sort of on probation."

"You have to go on probation to become a God?"

"I'm not a God Jack, any more than any of the other races who can do things we can't are. "

"But you don't mind if I pray to you occasionally?"

"Jaaa-ck!"

"What? You know I worship you right?"

"Jack stop changing the subject."

"Powers limited - check. Anything else?"

"You don't want to know what I can do? Whether I can wipe out the Goa'uld's, make the earth safe?"

"Not really. I figure if you could do any of that stuff you'd have done it already."

"Oh."

"You were expecting an argument?"

"Well..."

"Had a whole lecture planned?"

"Umm..."

"Slides?"

"Don't be ridiculous Jack."

"What - ascended beings don't stoop to slides?"

"You really don't want to know?"

"I know you will do everything you can. You don't need me riding you about the stuff you can't."

I thought it was obvious but Danny looked like he was going into shock.

"Did I come to the right house? You look like Jack but..."

"What? I'm not allowed to trust your judgment now?"

"You mean you did before?"

Shit!

"Daniel..."

"Sorry... I... umm"

Definitely groveling time - me not him.

"I did trust your judgment Danny. I just... I didn't trust mine. Not when it came to you."

"So all that not listening to me and telling me to shut up...?"

"I listened. I believed in you so much. I loved you. I guess I thought that people would somehow know. If I couldn't justify following your ideas people would guess and..."

Daniel hit his forehead with his hand.

"That is exactly the situation we were trying to avoid."

"I know. I tried, really I did, but I found myself second guessing every decision I made where you were involved. I knew it could get us killed and that made it worse. I just kept seeing General Hammond calling me into his office and asking me to explain why I went with the plan that destroyed half the earth but put me in a perfect position to watch your ass."

"Why didn't you say something?"

Daniel sounded exasperated. I guessed he had reason.

"What could I say? We'd made the decision not to do anything while we were both part of SG1..."

"And what we are doing was too important for either of us to chuck it..."

I shook my head with mock insight.

"We should never have had that conversation after watching Casablanca. "

The corners of Daniel's mouth twitched slightly.

"No. What was it Rick said? 'I'm no good at being noble, but it doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.'"

He's too damn good at being noble but then I'm much more of a Rick-type than Daniel.

"Two people in our case." I corrected.

"Unless you count Sam." He just had to point that out didn't he. "Somehow I don't see it working quite so well with Rick and Laszlo going off and the end and leaving Ilsa standing on the runway."

"I don't know, it has a certain something. Definitely better than Laszlo flying off and leaving Rick and Ilsa abandoned."

I was rewarded with a slight pout, not that he saw it as a reward.

"I didn't abandon you. It was just my transit papers had a time limit and the plane was about to go. And doesn't that make you Ilsa?"

"What?"

"Well Sam and I have never been interested in each other so..."

He was never going to let me forget that was he. Time for a strategic retreat I thought.

"O. K. So it isn't the best analogy in the world. I mean that would make Teal'c... err"

I tried to imagine Teal'c grinning and playing the piano and failed. I don't know if Danny had the same mental image but his lips quirked.

"Captain Renault?"

"Exactly."

Captain Renault? I couldn't imaging Teal'c in that silly French uniform either. I pulled a face at the idea.

"Actually that fits as well as any."

Danny defended. I hoped he was referring to the picking sides thing rather than the picking out... uh... up women and the gambling.

"Doesn't."

"Does."

"Doe... any way why were we having this conversation?"

"You were explaining why you had been acting like an idiot."

Yes. He's home. My home. I could feel a grin spreading itself across my face.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

My, he was suspicious. And I'm hard, or at least getting that way rapidly. Must have been the thought of Daniel in one of those classic 1940s suits and the panama hats. Which brings up a rather important issue, as it were.

"Umm Daniel - we can... touch... right? I mean we did before so we can... you know I'm all for this spiritual love, soul mates thing but I have been spending an awful lot of quality time with my right hand over the last few years and..." I trail of as he rolls his eyes at me. "Hey it would just be nice to have you actually involved in orgasm you were responsible for."

"Responsible for?"

"You mean you didn't think about me while you were indulging in a bit of light relief?"

I tried to sound hurt.

"Well yes. I guess."

"There you go. Now I am quite happy if we can't do anything but watch if that's the way is has to go..."

"Happy?"

At least he sounded amused rather than insulted.

"O. K. Not 'happy'. But I'll do it if that is the only relationship I can have with you. However I would like to be able to do stuff for you and I sort of hope you'd like to do stuff for me."

I suddenly had a horrible thought that maybe desire and attraction were some of those bodily needs that got left behind or something.

"Well it's not quite that simple." Oh no! "I can choose to come into contact with things but it is more like I..."

Some things never change. For crying out loud answer the question and stop trying to give me a heart attack!

"Daniel! Yes or no?"

"Yes and no"

"What?"

"Well, if you'd have let me explain..."

"Fine, explain. Just don't expect me to understand it."

"Yes I can choose to appear solid to you."

"But..."

"It's more an 'and'. We can also touch on a... non-physical level."

"Is that some zen thing?"

"No it is not 'some zen thing' it's... it's... umm..."

"Some zen thing?"

"No. It's more like touching souls. Like Orlan did with Sam."

"She what?"

"Ah... umm."

"Daniel I'm not sure I really like the sound of that. "

"It's O. K. - I'm not sure I'm ready for that either. It's just you might have been nearer than you realised with that soul mates thing."

And I had just about finished freaking out about the whole 'sex with another guy' thing. You don't want to make it easy for my do you Danny.

"There are places in my soul, assuming I still have one..."

Should have just kept your big mouth shut O'Neill. I know that furrowed brow and it never bodes well.

"You think I'll stop loving you?"

"Daniel..." I'm pleading with him and I know it. He really doesn't want to know the things I know, to see what I've seen. I know I wish I didn't... hadn't.

"I know why you had the gun."

His voice shakes slightly as if the words are forcing themselves out against his better judgment.

"What?"

I had to ask - had to hope that he would tell me he didn't mean what I thought he meant.

"Your gun... the one that... I know why you had it."

_Needed it. Couldn't sleep, not without being able to feel it pressing my cheek through the pillow. Knew Sara didn't like it but didn't care. Needed to know I could defend myself, defend my family. Knew all to well about the bad men that could sneak into your house at night, could shoot you while you were asleep, leave your cooling body to be found by your wife when she is awakened from your dead arms by your baby the next morning. Never knew afterwards who I'd shot, if he was the tin pot dictator or the civil rights lawyer who'd been making life difficult for the American companies who had been keeping the dictator in power. Didn't matter. Only mattered that I got my orders and that I followed them. Could I take comfort in the fact that I was good enough that I didn't wake either the guy's wife or the baby that was in the crib at the foot of the bed, didn't have to shoot them as well to stop them raising the alarm before I had a chance to get away? Small comfort when you lie in your own bed listening for the sounds of intruders just waiting for the bad men to come into your house and take you away from your wife and child with an assassins bullet..._ In the end of course - I did. The normal all to familiar weight of guilt and depression began to crush me, squeezing my chest and heart. For once though it did not seem able to get a grip, sliding away to leave me weak and shaking but feeling... bolstered. Safe. Understood. Loved.

I realised Daniel was holding me. Enveloping me in his light as well as in his arms, burning away the darkness. I never realised that eternity was blue until I saw it then in his eyes.

"So are we okay?" I croaked.

In answer he kissed me and eternity didn't seem long enough. The kiss was long and slow and even after we reluctantly drew apart we just held each other. Daniel's lips gently nuzzled my neck as I buried my face in his hair and lost myself in the moment. I wanted to cry but I was beyond tears and I wanted to shout but I was beyond speech. All that waiting. If I'd have known him dying was all it took I'd have killed him myself years ago. Saved us both a lot of heartache. His arms were tight around me, holding on like he was the one who had been frightened I'd vanish. Maybe he had been. All I could feel was him, holding me... surrounding me. Which felt odd. Reluctantly I opened my eyes slightly, then blinked and opened them wide as I realised what I was seeing. Damn I needed to dust that top shelf.

"Daniel?"

"Ummmm?"

"We're floating..."

"Uh huh"

"Well it's disconcerting. Stop it."

"Or I could float us up to the bedroom?

"You could?!? I mean, you could..."

"I can do lots of things."

"But destroying the Goa'uld is out right?"

"Jack!"

"Just.. you know... double checking."

"What was that about trusting my judgment?"

"When I said that I wasn't at risk of cracking my head on the ceiling."

"I thought you liked flying."

"In a 'PLANE, Daniel. Besides don't you have a thing about heights?"

"It wasn't so much the height as the landing. Actually I think that parachute jump was the kill or cure. So, you wanna go upstairs or what?"

"That sounds like a goo... Daniel! Stairs! Not through the ceiling!" I could feel him vibrating against me as he laughed, his breath tickling my neck. "You're enjoying this aren't you"

"Well wouldn't you?"

"Yes, but I'm evil you're nice and sweeee... Don't you even think about dropping me."

"The barest hint of the possibility had not even begun to think about crossing my..."

"Yeah, yeah. Now can you please put me down so I can walk up the stairs."

"Bor-ing!"

He did put me down though.

"Well that's what you get if you go out with elderly Air Force Colonels."

"You're right. I've changed my mumfph!"

Ummmm. Found another way to keep him quiet. That was, what? Twice in as many hours. That has to be a record. I am mildly concerned that he seemed to go fuzzy around the edges when he got distracted. If that was what happened when I just kissed him...

"Urr... Daniel, about how you looked when you first ascended, y'know the tentacles and stuff?"

"What about it?"

"Well... Just wondered if I was going to wake up in the morning making nice to a jellyfish."

"Why? Feeling kinky?"

Huh! I had a sudden image of myself in one of those little sailor schoolgirl uniforms. Cultural research my arse.

"Urrr... NO!"

The little shit grinned at me and I realised he had been teasing.

"Sorry Jack. It might be a bit of a risk to start with. I've been practicing but I haven't got it quite down yet. You might have to wait a bit before we can get onto the interesting stuff but I promise not to tentacle on you. Not unless you..."

"No chance of you descending by accident?" I cut him off before he could finish that sentence.

"No, that takes actual effort. When I become solid to you I am actually bringing you into my..."

"Yadda" I told him fondly. Carter would be having orgasms over the explanation - I just wanted the orgasms.

"Hey. You asked."

He pouted. The full pout, the one where he stuck out that lower lip in a way that made me just want to...

"Bed Jack!"

At least I think that was what he panted.

We couldn't do much but it was enough to be there with him. One day I'd be able to return the favour without him beginning to unravel. Until then I'd just have to lie back and appreciate the fact that he didn't have to breathe if he didn't want to.

It was much later, 2:43am by the bedside clock, when something else occurred to me. I looked down to where Daniel was glommed to my side. I wasn't surprised to find he was still awake. I didn't know if he needed to sleep but right then neither of us wanted to waste time with unconsciousness when we could just relax in each other's presence. Tomorrow would come too soon. I could always sleep at work while Daniel was off doing whatever it was he did now. Curious blue eyes gazed up at me from somewhere in the vicinity of my chest.

"Daniel - if Orlan could have had a relationship with Sam without descending why didn't he do that?"

I found I was whispering so as not to spoil the mood. Daniel must have felt me tense up as I waited for him to drop the other shoe. He shifted slightly, getting comfortable.

"Because he couldn't. He was being punished, remember, you think I'm being limited... Frankly I'm surprised that they left him with the equipment to be interested in Sam," I did not believe Daniel just said that, "and... umm"

"And...?"

"He'd been alone for a very long time Jack. Eternity is a very long time to contemplate spending alone." I could hear the pain in his voice as he addressed that comment to the bedside lamp ten inches to the side of my head. I guessed Orlan hadn't been the only one contemplating that thought. I vowed to make sure Daniel never regretted his decision - starting with actually listening to him."He couldn't join his people because he had been exiled but..."

Was he saying what I thought he was saying?

"Are you saying he went out with Carter because he was suicidal!"

"Well not exactly..."

That was directed at my right nipple.

"Not exactly?"

"More she presented another option."

"God Daniel - don't ever tell her that."

Daniel sounded a bit insulted that I was giving him advise on tact.

"I wasn't planning on it." He sniffed. We both fell silent again.

"Speaking of telling... Are you going to tell the others?"

Daniel sighed.

"I don't know. I want to, but... How are they doing?"

"Not very well." I admitted. "They miss you, you know."

"I know. It's just... Sam and Janet will want to run all sorts of tests and then something will happen and Hammond won't want to ask but..."

I knew what he meant.

"Not to mention the NID."

Daniel shivered and snuggled closer. I hadn't thought that that was humanly possible but I guess Daniel never let himself be held back mere human limitations.

"Yes don't mention them. At least them I wouldn't feel bad about turning them down."

"Or zapping with lightning?"

Daniel laughed.

"It's a thought."

Hey, I was serious. We looked at each other in the gloom for a long moment. Each thinking through the possibilities.

"We can't tell them, can we?"

He shook his head looking at me with sad eyes.

"Not now. Maybe..."

We left it there. There were to many maybes in out lives already to add another. We would tell them when we could. Until then...

"Sooo Daniel, are you going to take me to heaven?"

"Jaaaack! I'm not an Angel I'm a..."

Wahoo! We are going to be alright!


End file.
